Tee Shots
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A Sally Gunnell |
Ugly to look at, but a good runner |
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A Paula Radcliffe |
Not as ugly as a Sally Gunnell and run a long way |
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A Condom |
Safe but didn’t feel very satisfying |
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A Glenn Miller |
Kept low and didn’t make it over the water |
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A Gerry Adams |
Provisional |
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An O.J. Simpson |
Criminal but got away with it |
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A Gay Midget’s Mouth |
It’s low and it sucks |
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A Necrophiliac Handjob |
A dead pull |
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A Princess Diana |
Shouldn’t have taken the driver |
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A Prinesss Grace |
Should have taken the driver |
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A Michael Jackson |
Gradually fading |
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A Tony Hart |
Drawing |
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A Douglas Bader |
Looked good in the air but didn’t have the legs |
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A Jean-Marie Le Pen/Nigel Farage |
Too far right |
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A Ken Livingstone |
Too far left |
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An Arthur Scargill |
Great strike but a poor result |
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A Nipple Licker |
A shot that opens up the hole |
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An Arsene Wenger |
Everyone saw where it went except you |
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A Quasimodo |
Don’t want that back |
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A Ryanair |
Looks good in the air but not sure where it will land |
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A Mr Kipling |
Nice slice |
In a Hazard
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An Adolf Hitler |
2 shots in a bunker |
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An Eva Braun |
Picked up in a bunker |
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A Saddam Hussein |
Go from bunker to bunker |
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An Al Qaeda Camel |
In the sand and sure to be f*cked |
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A Red October |
Underwater and you won’t find it |
Scoring
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A Spaniard |
Four for four (high handicappers taking 4 strokes for 4 pts) |
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A Bo Derek |
10 – shots on a particular bad hole |
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A Paris Hilton |
An expensive hole |
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Ben Hogan to Hulk Hogan |
Playing like god but then went absolute crap |
Approach Shots
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A Kate Winslet |
A bit fat, but overall not too bad |
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A Kate Moss |
A bit thin |
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An Anna Kournikova |
Looks great, but unlikely to get a result |
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A German Virgin |
Guten tight – after a great wedge shot to the pin |
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A Michael Barrymore |
A long iron |
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A Russell Grant |
A fat iron |
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A Wilfred Bramwell |
A thin iron |
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A Peter Mandelson |
An unbelievable iron |
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An Alistair Campbell |
Too much spin |
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A Marc Bolan |
Looked good until it hit a tree |
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A son-in-law shot |
Not what you wanted but it will have to do |
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A sister-in-law shot |
You’re up there although you know you shouldn’t be |
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A Yasser Arafat |
Ugly and in the sand |
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A Jo Brand |
Fat and ugly with no redeeming features whatsoever |
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A Beyonce |
A bit chunky but still on the dance floor |
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A Rodney King |
Overclubbed |
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A RyanAir |
Ok in the air but landed miles from where you wanted to be |
Putting
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A James Joyce |
A difficult read |
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A Salman Rushdie |
An impossible read |
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A Rock Hudson |
Thought it was straight but it wasn’t |
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A Cuban |
Needed another revolution |
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A Leslie Ash |
A big lip out |
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A Harry Redknapp |
Getting the twitches |
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A Vinny Jones |
Nasty kick when you’re least expecting it |
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A Joe Pesci |
A mean little five footer |
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A Danny DeVito |
An ugly little five footer |
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A Dennis Wise |
A nasty little five footer |
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A Diego Maradona |
A very nasty little five footer |
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A Brazilian |
Shaves the hole |
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A gynaecologist’s assistant |
Been shaving the hole all day |
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An Elton John |
A big bender that lips the rim |
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An Elton John |
Thought it was straight but it wasn’t |
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A Grandpa’s pyjamas |
One ball out |
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A Dead Female Sheep |
Still Ewe |
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A Bon Jovi |
Halfway There |